Being good. It was hard. Everyone knows you are supposed to be a good human. I kept this in mind all the time when I was young. It was always on my mind. I did so many bad things. You have to be good to go to Heaven, right? That is what I was taught, what I was told. I knew, with no doubt, I was going to hell. It was hard to be good. Seriously, I tried. Over and over, I tried to be good enough to get to Heaven. I was young, we all do dumb stuff as stupid young people, right?
I got older, I grew up. I got married, got my first real job and still had this nagging need to try and be good enough. I still messed up. I was older, but still did dumb stuff. I did horrible stuff. I was more mature, but being good all the time, was still hard. So hard! As an adult, the overwhelming need to be good increased and along with it, the guilt grew to mountainous heights. I was so not good enough to go to Heaven. Ever felt like that?
Then, I was sent some awesome people to help me along. God knew I wanted help. I prayed for help. Looking back, I’m not sure I really knew exactly how to pray. God knew. He always knows. A co-worker gave me a book that helped open my eyes to somethings. I can’t remember the name of the book, which kind of disappoints me now, but I know that it helped guide me in a better direction. I always believed there was a God. I knew I was made by this God, but what I didn’t know, is exactly how much He loved me. This book helped me focus on God and take focus off of some of the things that had held my gaze for way too long.
Then, God sent even more people to help me. He had already surrounded me with some that were going to help turn me more toward him. My husband was one of them. He was saved at a young age. I wasn’t sure what “saved” even meant. As I said, I believed in God, but wasn’t sure about all that really included. I was at a revival one night where the speakers and singers made it so clear to me! I realized that night that I didn’t have to be good enough for God to love me. I mean, yes, I wasn’t good enough. I’m still not good enough. I will never be good enough on my own. None of us will ever be good enough, but at the same time, we are enough with HIM. We are enough, because God sent His son to SAVE us. Jesus came to make a way for us. He covers our sins and every unworthy thing we do and makes us pure and righteous. HE does it all. We do not have that power. We can’t clean ourselves up enough to be ready to be saved. We are SAVED by what Jesus did for us. And then when we are saved by Him…we are able to do the good stuff. With him, we can more easily look away from our sin, reform and be redeemed. ONLY with Him. I cannot do anything without HIM. Before Jesus, I could never be “clean” or “good” enough, but with Him, I do whatever I can, with His strength, to strive to be more like HIM. Will I ever reach his mark? No, but I am going to try every way I can to continue to run to that mark.
I thank Jesus for His strength, His guidance and for all the ones He sent into my life to help me move toward HIM.
Thanks be to Jesus, I am GOOD ENOUGH to get to Heaven.