I want to do so many things! I’ve always been like this. When I was young, I always had a new project. I remember painting on glass–I used black ink and then went over that with this translucent acrylic medium. It was so cool and I guess popular at the time. I have, over the years, done so many different projects. I have made stained glass windows, oil painted, hooked rugs (that doesn’t even sound right, but that is what it was), wove, did leather work, made things out of materials that no one thought could be used for art, painted on wood and saw blades and shoes… AND THERE’S SO MUCH MORE! I love to create stuff and always have. I’ve always wanted to have a project going.
I love to stay busy. I am always coming up with something to do at work, with my art classes, leadership class or student council. I volunteer myself for stuff. I never say NO to anyone who asks me to do things. I organize, start and stir projects and programs almost all the time. IF I’m behind my desk, I’m making a flyer, filling out forms, writing emails full of questions or requests, writing recommendations, revising students’ scholarship essays or putting in grades!
I never take time for ME.
I get overwhelmed sometimes, but I don’t ever ever EVER hate what I do. I’m not writing this to vent. I’m writing this to remind myself that this is what I choose. When I get overwhelmed—I need to remember that it’s all because of ME.
There are days I feel exhausted and I know it’s time to just go home and do nothing, but here lately, there has not been a night where that is a possibility. Even tonight, I thought maybe I could hang at the house and just veg a little, but instead, I wrote letters and made out cards to those I think needed them, got carnations ready for tomorrow’s sale and then went to watch the boys play baseball. When I got home, I remembered I forgot to get my aides to prepare the Valentine Carnation tags for tomorrow so I had to go back up to the school to make those.
I THINK I’M INSANE.
I believe I make life harder on myself by not just stepping back and taking a breath.
I am NOT saying I don’t enjoy life. I love what I do. I am blessed to be able to do the things I do.
I’m just saying I DO IT TO MYSELF…I stay busy, because I choose to. I choose to make myself crazy and scattered and sometimes spread to thin.
I do it to myself.
I always have.