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Posts tagged ‘cancer’

“I hate my life.”

I heard this horrible statement today, “I hate my life.”  It was given at a very insignificant moment.  A moment where no one was burning alive.  There was basically no chaos.   The building wasn’t falling in and as far as I know the earth was not trembling.

IMMEDIATELY, The word PERSPECTIVE popped into my head.  What a skewed perspective that one statement held.

I wanted to say out loud, “REALLY?”  (I didn’t, but I also wanted to say…) Do you really hate your life?  Are you in enough mental anguish to HATE this exact moment of your life?  Are you in physical pain?  Did your mother abandon you, dog die or tooth chip?  What about this…Are you dying of cancer?  I’m pretty sure the answer to all of those questions IF ANSWERED ABSOLUTELY HONESTLY would have been NO.

Once again, I have a person in my life who will soon die of cancer.  I know she will be with Jesus and of that we can absolutely and joyously be certain of, AMEN!  To say good-bye to another person I love thanks to cancer makes me shake my head.  I know God will take us all the way we are to die, but *sigh* the word cancer makes my stomach lurch.  It makes tears come to my eyes and my head hurt.  I pray that this diagnosis somehow works for a good in the lives of people who love this wonderful person.  Duhhh…God is in control so, I already know that good will happen.

Right now, though…

I can’t stop thinking about PERSPECTIVE …AND can’t get this insane statement out of my head: “I hate my life.”

REALLY?!?

How can I hate it?

I know you are not supposed to hate…

But I’ve voiced it and written it before…

I HATE CANCER.

I hate the word.  I don’t like the fear it brings.  SO MANY have been effected negatively by it in someway or another.

BUT I thought of this today:

If cancer had some kind of hand in my brother giving his heart absolutely and completely to Jesus,

How can I hate it?

I haven’t given cancer much credit for doing anything like that.  I’m the type of person that tries to look on the bright side of things and always on the search for THE GOOD in things.  How can I think of cancer in a good way, though?

I still don’t like what it does to the body. In the end, it took my brother’s mind, there was such confusion.  Cancer is so ugly,

but if it had some part of leading him to Jesus–WHOLLY AND FULLY–

How can I hate it?

What if my brother’s death brings others to Jesus?  Cancer was part of it.  *sigh*  I’m so torn.  I really do not like cancer, but if it helps point anyone to JESUS…

How can I hate it?

And really truly, I know that in the end, cancer did not ultimately take my brother…

As one friend wrote to me today:

“Cancer tried to take my Daddy and Jesus took him instead.”  This is the ultimate comfort.

Death did not take my brother, cancer did not take my brother,

JESUS took him by the hand and led him to the glory we receive all thanks and praise to JESUS. 

…and cancer may be able to take some credit in my brother’s decision to except that gift of glory..

How can I hate it?

HOPE

I’ve blogged about my brother recently. (Jimmy Knox)  He’s at home with Hospice care battling cancer.  Today was a day filled with many phone calls and lots of visits.  He was his normal self–joking with his friends and telling stories about memories I can barely, if at all, remember.  He laughed out loud on more than one occasion.  The medicine that has, at times, made his speech incomprehensible was held at bay today.  It didn’t take over his brain or bind his lips.  I am so thankful for today!  The cancer is doing it’s wicked job.  I hate it.  But for now, my brother is doing all he can…keepin’ on keepin’ on.  He ain’t dead!  He ain’t done!  He has hope for each breath and second that God gifts him.

Although some days have been so hard to watch, his HOPE is amazing to watch.

Many of his friends have reached out to ask me about him or tell me about their experience with him.  They have all talked about how sweet of a friend my brother has been to them.  I’m proud of him.  I wanted to share the sweet, sincere description his friend Anthony Bonnette wrote about him today:

We all like to think that we are unique, that we’re not really like anybody else. We all like to think that we are still that same innocent kid from the yearbook pictures, just trapped in a grownup body. I think that way about myself. Jimbo  however, was not like anybody I have ever known. He was a child for the whole 30 years I knew him, sometimes fussy, but almost always genuine and sweet. What always amazed me about Jim was his Hope. God blessed him with a never ending reserve of sweet, unrelenting belief in the promise of tomorrow. Soon, Jimbo will leave this world that has failed to deliver on almost any of it’s promises to him, but against all odds, his Hope remains. So when I think about my friend Jim, who has been a much better friend to me than I’ve ever been to anyone, when I think about his unabashed smile, when I remember his booming laugh, and when I am struck by the hollow blow of never seeing him again in this life, it is then that I remember his defining characteristic. And I Hope.

Wow.

Jimmy Knox

We are all dying. It’s not something we like to chat about.  No one starts out a conversation with a question like, “So, when do you think you will die?”  We just don’t talk about it.  For most, dying is not at the forefront of our brains.

I’m just like anyone else.  I don’t relish the fact that one day I will have to go through some kind of “episode” in order to pass from this world.  I’m not scared of what will come after my last breath is taken here on earth.  I am a bit apprehensive about how that last breath is taken though.  I think it’s safe to say that I’m not alone in that.

Whether we like to talk about it or not, dying is real and inevitable.

AND Some people do not have the luxury of thinking someday or somehow I will die…

Some people know that they are terminally ill.  They know that it will more than likely be sooner than later.  They are looking death square on.  Of course, they can’t choose the exact day or hour, but there’s not much guess work to the fact that it is eminent.

Oh, I know GOD is in control and He can heal them right here on this planet at any second.  I know HE has that power.  I also know we all have a story and some stories end with a terminal disease.  God does heal those too, though, if their heart is right.  He takes them home to be with him where there is no more illness or any kind of pain that accompanies it.   Gives me goosebumps thinking about it.

My brother is terminal.  He told me just a few minutes ago that it is confirmed that he will be going home from the hospital in the next day or so, assigned to hospice.  He has been through so many things in his life.  He has battled diabetes and all the difficulties that come with that.   He was in a horrible car accident about 20 years ago that left one of his arms less able than the other, one leg shorter than the other, not to mention many other struggles that came along with that incident.  He became blind due to complications with diabetes about 10 years ago.  Through all of this, he has lived in the home we grew up in, almost always alone.  He has battled depression and other things that come along with physical pain.  He truly has been a soldier.  He has fought for a long time and continues to do so.  Just within the last year, he found out on top of all he’s already endured, he has cancer.  The word cancer makes me angry.  I’ve seen it do ugly things to so many people.  Now it has my brother.  I hate to question why … but it’s so hard not to.  Cancer seems so dark to me.

We should not take for granted each day God gives us.  None of us know when we will have our last day here.  We don’t know when those around us will spend their last either.

Please pray for my brother and his comfort.  He has been in pain so long.  I know he doesn’t want to leave this world, but he also knows it will happen much sooner than he had expected.    He does know Jesus. As I said earlier, though, not many really want to think about the “episode” it’s going to take in this world to meet Jesus in the next.  Please pray for his peace.

Thank you in advance for praying for Jimmy Knox.

#CRUSHcancer 5K

I totally finished that 5K today!!!

SOOO, I was pretty much last, but I did it.  It’s ok that I and one other gal were the only two on the track.  The rest of the group went the city course, but really, I didn’t want to hold up any traffic with my mad walking skills or awesome legs.  haha!

All kidding aside, we had an awesome event which made some nice change for the Texas Oncology Foundation.

Here’s a pic of most of the group…

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I loved doing this and am ready to tackle on another.  Well, I’m not ready to be the main organizer of one yet…I’ll wait another year for that, but I’m ready to go walk one again.  It was a lot of fun!

My whole family participated in it as well.  This is how my 10 year old felt in the end…

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BUT WE ALL HAD A GREAT TIME FOR A GREAT CAUSE!

Spaghetti!!!

Tonight was our spaghetti dinner before our 5k event tomorrow. 

There were 50 plus people there and what a blessing that was!  Having people come to support was just so great.  

Both events—the dinner and 5k–are to benefit cancer patients in our area. 

I can’t even explain how proud I am of the students who helped with the event.  There are so many who step up and really go above and beyond. 

Our guest speaker tonight was amazing. He’s a survivor who the through his struggle and victory, decided to start up a cancer outreach program.  His name is Nathan Mathias and he is the founder of His Hands & Feet Ministry, Cancer Outreach. hishandsministry7@gmail.com. Check him out sometime. 

Need to get some sleep so I can get that 5k WALK ON tomorrow!

#CRUSHcancer 

ONLY GOD can do stuff like that!

I was asked to pray for a specific thing by a friend the other day.  I got down on my knees and asked God to help her, give her calm and to provide whatever He can to make her at peace with the situation.  Little, and let me stress LITTLE did I know that what He would provide would be bigger and better than anything I could imagine.

My friend Tammy who I’ve written about on here before is a Christian motivational speaker.  She had been asked to speak at a funeral of a very dear friend–one of those “inner-circle” friends.  This friend had battled cancer and had planned on Tammy and the other friends in their circle to help with arrangements.

The prayer I prayed for Tammy was calling to God about somehow making it possible for her to speak at that funeral even though she was previously booked to speak out of town.  There were just a handful of people who knew about this dilemma and we were all praying.  There is no way the prayer warriors could see what was coming.  And there is no way any of us can explain it or rationalize it… we can only be in awe of what happened…

Here’s the message I received from Tammy about the solution:

A man contacted me today. He has a private jet. His wife has cancer. He has hired a pilot to fly me to Abilene in his private jet as soon as funeral is over. Only God can do stuff like that. Only God can make the impossible possible. It will only be me and the pilot on the plane. He said to me….no charge. Just keep helping people.  …

It’s exactly what she said: ONLY GOD can do…THAT!

This man listened to God, because that is WHO told him to offer his help.  This is not a person for his own glory …this is a man who wants to see GOD glorified by doing great things.  Wow.

“Wow,” is what I just keep saying over and over about this.  I was honored to be able to pray for this situation and humbled by the amazingness, total awesomeness that came together.  My puny little brain could never imagine… a private jet!?!

This is GOD showing up and there is nothing else you can say to explain this.  ONLY GOD CAN DO STUFF LIKE THAT!

Just try and tell me there’s no God…  HA!  Not buyin’ it.  There is a GOD and HE is awesome… and He has more plans and solutions than we could ever imagine.  Awesome.

ONLY GOD can do stuff like that!

Leaving with a song Tammy shared with me that she said she kept singing… (it’s so true!)

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