Why do people get mad at you when you let them know that whatever they said or did upset you?
Boiling it down: they are mad at you, because they did something wrong –period.
What happened to, “I’m sorry.” “I didn’t know that hurt your feelings.” “I didn’t realize….” ???
OR THE DREADED…
“I was wrong.” ???
I have gotten this attitude with students several times over the years. They say something smart, goofy or against rules (like spray paint on the sidewalk “accidentally” by the art room when they KNOW not to spray paint anywhere NEAR the sidewalk). and when I correct them, they are like, “WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?!?” I’ve had students smart off, turn red and get angry, put their head down on the desk and not talk (I like that one) and leave my room. Thinking back, I giggle about it. I mean, really? They did something wrong… I asked them to stop or correct something and BAM..I’m the bad guy? Now I’m like, “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???”
This doesn’t just happen in the classroom. It happens EVERYWHERE! Most of the time it’s called–DRAMA.
What starts out as a simple confrontation, turns ugly. One person lets the other person know they feel bad or sad about something the other person did…then blah blah blah, I hate you, blah blah blah, let’s stop being friends or get a divorce and talk bad about each other until we don’t even remember what started all the crazy in the first place.
These days, adults and youth alike seem to run to the internet to start the social media plethora of drama as well. They hit facebook, twitter, instagram, kik, snapchat…. and the list goes on. There they compose a post of hidden messages and crazy connotations. It’s insanity!
Why can’t we act like we are supposed to? Why can’t we just admit what we did was rude or insensitive or baaad? We make up excuses on why we did it or how we could have done worse. Wow, that helps the situation.
JUST SAY YOU’RE SORRY! (( Oh yea, AND MEAN IT! ))
One time, I was riding with a friend in her awesome little fast car when she was pulled over by a state trooper. I was giving her a hard time about it when he came up to the window. He asked the standard questions. Did she know how fast she was going? Honestly she said she really did not know. We had been talking and she was not paying attention. Then he asked her the next standard: Is there a reason you were going 70 miles per hour when the speed limit is 55? They way she answered him (I can still hear the way she said it) cracks me up to this day when I think of it: “I was just speedin’.” HONESTY. She had no excuse for her crime. She was speeding. That was the end. The trooper wasn’t rude or nice. He was matter-of-fact. She was too. He pointed to what she did wrong and she admitted to it. Done.
We need to do this more often. ADMIT WE WERE WRONG. Face up to it, take the consequences without griping about it and move forward. DONE.