I thank my God for OPTIMISM. I thank God for moving me forward. I thank God for allowing the past to be the past.
There was a time in my life where I thought I was so ugly. I didn’t think anyone really liked me. I seriously was physically and mentally ugly. Checking out the pictures from that time, I can see and feel my attitude, my pain. I was pitiful. I remember feeling gross. I remember feeling worthless. I remember continuously questioning why I was born. I really don’t know exactly what started all of it. I had great parents and I always felt safe. I know puberty hitting and my lack of self-confidence created this negative self-image, but it just seemed bigger than that. I was so sad.
Looking back …I was young and seriously dumb. I had no true concept of what this life is supposed to be. I was ignorant to so many things. I know that comes with being young, but I was allowing all that uncertainty and immaturity to consume me and create an attitude of self-loathing. I’m not saying all this because I am trying to put myself down …it’s truth. I’m painting the picture of what I WAS so I can recognize the difference and realize that there is a huge chasm between then and now. There’s no need in ever feeling that way again.
I’m so glad I am no where near that point in my life. I’m so thankful God created OPTIMISTIC people who modeled that type of attitude for me. I thank God that he has allowed me to learn more about what this life is to be. I’m so thankful He pushed me forward. MOST OF ALL…I praise HIM for sending Jesus so that I (AND EVERYONE) can have hope in him right now and in days to come.
I’m not ugly. I know I’m liked by those who truly matter. Physically, I am beautiful because GOD made me. MY ATTITUDE–wow, has that changed!?! I’m not pitiful, I don’t feel gross and I’m no where near worthless. I don’t ever question why I was born. I know God has always guided me to do the things I’m doing right now. I’m not saying I always realized that He was with me, but looking back, I know it now. The overwhelming-ness of that “ugly” time in my life is gone. The overwhelming LOVE I feel now has totally wiped away any of those past questions and feelings.
I’m mainly writing this to remind myself that GOD LOVES ME, I have purpose… AND I’m not ugly.