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Posts tagged ‘past’



This is another questioning blog today.  Why, Why, Why must people only look on the dark, ugly, nasty and gloomy side of life?  They wake up mad, go through the day spewing hate and bad breath (I just imagine) and then go to bed mad.


Circumstance?  Past?  Baggage?  Constipation?  Upset stomach?

If you gave them a plate of chocolate chip cookies and told them have a happy day…they would think or even say, “I prefer brownies.”  Ok, if you gave them a plate of the best BROWNIES -in-the-world with a smiley face balloon and a chilly glass of milk… they would say, “I’m trying to watch what I eat.”   Really!?!  IT IS BROWNIES!  (the best ones in the world even)


I’m pretty sure you get my point.


Is this day so bad that you have to TRY (cuz it ain’t happening to this gal) and make others have a bad day too?  Would that actually make you “happy?”  OR would that somehow make your life, in some sick weird way, more meaningful?

NO.  I’m telling you right now, that is a NO.  Negative. Never, absolutely not, uh-uh and not at all.

Yes, I’m answering my own questions here.  It’s ok.  I do that sometimes.

It is most emphatically and positively truth that ATTITUDES ARE CONTAGIOUS.  Is yours worth catching?  When people look at me, I want them to WANT what I got!  I’m not hiding my light under a bushel–NO!  I’m gonna let it shine!  I am not extinguishing the fire of JOY the Almighty God has given me to share.  No way!  I’m gonna pass it out like goody bags at a birthday party!  Here’s one for you and you and you…

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOURSELF from the past baggage or circumstance that is darkening your days. Have a HAPPY!  Here, take a smile.  Do you need a hug?  Let go of whatever is making you look for the opposite of happy.  Take some Milk of Magnesia!  Whatever you gotta do!!!  But colon cleanse that nasty attitude OUT before you end up living your life alone or worse…with another stopped up negative nilly who can only compound the unhappiness in your life.  (Misery loves company? Eeeek!)

Do whatever you gotta do!!! Did I say that already?  Repetition means IT’S IMPORTANT!

Don’t be one of those people that can’t find happy anywhere…

DIG DEEP! Trudge through it.  Dust it off, wipe it away… until you find that treasure called HAPPINESS and …


(and eat the dadgum brownies!!!)

A reflection: I’m not ugly.

I thank my God for OPTIMISM.  I thank God for moving me forward.  I thank God for allowing the past to be the past.

There was a time in my life where I thought I was so ugly.  I didn’t think anyone really liked me.  I seriously was physically and mentally ugly. Checking out the pictures from that time, I can see and feel my attitude, my pain.  I was pitiful.  I remember feeling gross.  I remember feeling worthless.  I remember continuously questioning why I was born.  I really don’t know exactly what started all of it.  I had great parents and I always felt safe.  I know puberty hitting and my lack of self-confidence created this negative self-image, but it just seemed bigger than that.  I was so sad.

Looking back …I was young and seriously dumb.  I had no true concept of what this life is supposed to be.  I was ignorant to so many things.  I know that comes with being young, but I was allowing all that uncertainty and immaturity to consume me and create an attitude of self-loathing.   I’m not saying all this because I am trying to put myself down …it’s truth.  I’m painting the picture of what I WAS so I can recognize the difference and realize that there is a huge chasm between then and now.  There’s no need in ever feeling that way again.

I’m so glad I am no where near that point in my life.  I’m so thankful God created OPTIMISTIC people who modeled that type of attitude for me.  I thank God that he has allowed me to learn more about what this life is to be.  I’m so thankful He pushed me forward.  MOST OF ALL…I praise HIM for sending Jesus so that I (AND EVERYONE) can have hope in him right now and in days to come.

I’m not ugly.  I know I’m liked by those who truly matter.  Physically, I am beautiful because GOD made me.  MY ATTITUDE–wow, has that changed!?!  I’m not pitiful, I don’t feel gross and I’m no where near worthless.  I don’t ever question why I was born.  I know God has always guided me to do the things I’m doing right now.  I’m not saying I always realized that He was with me, but looking back, I know it now.  The overwhelming-ness of that “ugly” time in my life is gone.  The overwhelming LOVE I feel now has totally wiped away any of those past questions and feelings.

I’m mainly writing this to remind myself that GOD LOVES ME, I have purpose… AND I’m not ugly.


What do you struggle with? We all do.


Even the HULK with his INCREDIBLE power of massive strength, struggles with anger issues, Superman–cryptonite…

We all have struggles, conflict, A NEMESIS.  We all have something about us we don’t like or some situation we cringe thinking about.   We all have something that makes us feel so embarrassed or causes guilt to creep up and take over our mind. Sometimes, we even… allow ourselves to feel unworthy.

adjective  not deserving effort, attention, or respect.
Read that definition.  Read it again.
Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?  (in my best Minion voice)
We feel undeserving?  Not worth living life to the fullest?
Why do we do that?
Why do we allow our thoughts, others’ opinions or even the past to rob us of feeling FREE!?
No matter what you have experienced, done in the past or even feel about your physical appearance
–you were made for PURPOSE.
I’m no where near able to feel absolutely as free as I should, but I do know I have a hope I hold on to through the promises of God and by the blood of His Son.  The more I look to that hope, the more FREE I feel.  The past decisions I’ve made and stupid mistakes that haunt me at times seem to fade as I trust and lean on what really matters.  I am HIS creation and so are you.  Let’s try our best to take our struggles to Him and not just see them as that huge NEMESIS.  Wipe that away and see more clearly.
Be blessed…BE FREE!
Total note to self right here!



I know and totally realize that when people say they are awesome, it seems quite conceited. I have been called vein. Sometimes I get some giggles when I say I’m AWESOME CLAWSON. (it’s not like I introduce myself like that all the time) A student at summer camp about 4 years ago called me that and it just stuck (even if it was just in MY brain). (BTW, his name was SHABAZ –how cool is that!?)

I know I am not supposed to show PRIDE in a sinful, ugly way, but feeling AWESOME while staying humble CAN be done.

To me, thinking that you are awesome is not a negative and not a sin. God wants us to LOVE us. God don’t make no junk!

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14 ESV

Why not use a great word to describe yourself… I really like the word “awesome.” Maybe I use it a little too much, but it’s MY WORD. I mean, it rhymes with my last name. (thank you husband for giving me that name…my maiden name would only rhyme with BOX or FOX and those are nouns, not descriptive words really)

My point today is, it’s important that we have a good self image. Why don’t we? There are so many reasons. The past, to me is #1. Let’s just make a top 10 list:


Maybe these aren’t your TOP TEN but I bet they fit somewhere in your list of reasons why you shouldn’t LOVE YO SELF.

SELF IMAGE and mood is effected by so many things. Some of the things we really can’t help. I mean, the way people think of you? You can treat others the way you want to be treated, but even then, some people still hate you. Who knows why? I do know this, though; YOU SHOULD NOT CONCERN YOURSELF WITH THEM. They have their own self image problems and you should not allow them to mess yours up along with it. DON’T DO IT!

THE PAST–how can you ever change that? So, do not allow it to steal the joy you can have NOW. Move forward!

I could go on and on about reasons why you should feel AWESOME, but really, you have to figure it out on your own. You have to find YOUR HAPPY. I encourage you to do that—DAILY!

THE main, absolute numero uno reason I’M AWESOME is truly, because God tells me I am. He tells me through His word and through His people. He shows me that I live in a great place, I have super friends and I am continuously BLESSED. I cannot praise Him enough for transforming me through the salvation He provided through Jesus. I’ve not always felt I was so awesome. I have (and continue to some days) allowed things in that list up there to take away my awesomeness. When I do that, I’m not thinking about what GOD has done for me. HE IS MY AWESOME!!!

So, if you are one of those who think I’m conceited or roll your eyes at me because of the AWESOME CLAWSON thing…I’m cool with that. You are not the one who helps make me awesome. I know where my AWESOME comes from!!! Thank YOU, LORD!

I pray you can find your AWESOME soon!

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